One Step Forward, Ten Steps Back

I believe in God and the power of prayer. I know that he answers all prayers. (Mark 11:24, Psalms 120:1, Philippians 4:6). It has been my experience, however, that he answers prayers with yes, no or wait. I have a strong personal faith and believe that God is alive, active and working in our lives. I know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). I know all this and yet I still struggle . . . and I doubt . . . and I wrestle with God.

If you read my blog on a regular basis you know that I have chosen to thank God for my knee injury pretty much from the beginning. The lessons he has taught me, the bonding in my family, the outpouring of support, the realization that I am tougher than I think, and the time for prayer and reflection have been life-changing. I am in the process of grabbing my notepad and writing down all the blessings again. Because, honestly, I am at a point where I am just not feeling very thankful for this injury right now.

I am one week shy of four months since I blew my knee. From the beginning I was told this would be a 4 month process from start to finish by the orthopedic doctor, nurses, orthopedic surgeon and physical therapist. I have done everything they told me to do. In fact, I have been surprised at what a model patient I have been. Turns out that the time frame I was given is fluid and flexible and it is not holding true for me.

In the last week I have returned to icing and elevating as much as possible. This time from my knee to my hip, doing deep tissue massage of the same area each day and cut way back on my physical therapy. My family is back to fetch and carry as I try to stay off my leg as much as possible. What feels like 10 steps back has left me questioning myself, my God and my life. What does my life look like if the repair didn’t hold and I have chronic knee pain and restricted activities for the rest of my life?

In the whole scheme of things I know a bum knee is really no big deal. And I know that whatever the outcome God has a plan and will work in and through this situation. I want to be like Jesus in Matthew 26:39 when he fell on his face and prayed, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.”

I do not know the hard things you are facing today. I do know that many of them are considerably harder than my bum knee. I don’t know if God has answered your heartfelt prayers with yes, no, or wait but I do know he will answer. Psalms 120:1 says, “In my distress I called to the Lord, and he answered me.” Please know that God loves you and he sees you and he is waiting for you to seek him earnestly in whatever challenge you are facing today.  Hang tough precious child of God. You are not alone.

Precious Father – Thank you for the challenges in our life that bring us to you. May we seek you earnestly not just in the tough stuff but in all things Lord.  May we dig into your Word and deepen our prayer lives on a daily basis. And always, Lord may we praise your holy name. Amen.