As a woman recovering from a pornography addiction I am concerned about a movie like 50 Shades Darker. It is being released just before Valentine’s Day – billed as a romance – and promoted as the perfect date night. In reality, it is far from a romance, but is instead a graphic, sexually explicit movie about a modern-day sadomasochistic relationship.
Sadomasochism is defined as sexual activity, in which one person enjoys inflicting physical or mental suffering on another person, who derives pleasure from experiencing pain. Where, exactly, is the romance in that?
In researching the movie, the first movie trailer clip that loaded had this headline: Don’t Watch This 50 Shades Darker Clip with Your Parents (Obviously). Like the first movie, 50 Shades of Grey, this one barely missed an NC-17 rating which would have kept children under 18 out of the theater.
The MPAA rated it “R” instead for “strong erotic sexual content, some graphic nudity and language.” This movie franchise has pushed the envelope in your neighborhood theater and expanded what is now considered acceptable under an “R” rating.
On the first page of a basic Google search I also came to: Speed Read: 12 Naughty Bits for 50 Shades Darker. The one-line description for that link said NSFW. Having not seen that acronym before I looked up the definition: NSFW is a warning for an email subject line. It means ‘not safe for work’ or ‘not safe to be viewed at work.’ It is used to warn the recipient to not open the message at the office or near young children, because the message contains sexual or repulsive content.
I could continue to give statistics and information on the movie that has already been released and the one that is soon to be released. I could back it up with more statistics on the staggering number of men, and now women, addicted to pornography. I could tell you that the 50 Shades franchise has normalized pornography use for women in the same way that the internet did for men.
Instead, I am going to tell you that my addiction to pornography damaged my self-worth, my self-image, my marriage, my relationships with the people around me, and my relationship with my God. It filled me with self-loathing and poisoned every area of my life.
I sanitized it for years with words like erotica and mommy porn. The reality is that pornography awakens our physical sexual desires but separates us from any kind of emotional or relational connection. Porn makes it about the sexual act and not about the other person who is involved.
OK, transparency time. (Like admitting to a porn addiction is not transparent enough!) It has taken most of my day to write this blog. I have sweated and researched and written and re-written and cried (tears and out loud to God).
I have worried that I have gone too far. Then worried that I have not gone far enough in the words I have shared today. I have worried about what other people would think. And yes, I have been tempted to watch the movie clips and read the 12 Naughty Bits excerpt.
My past feels like a thorn in my side today that I may have until the day I die. But I have prayed earnestly. And claimed scripture wholeheartedly. And persevered in this task because God was faithful to me. And He will be faithful to you if this is an area in which you struggle or in which you are tempted. He delivered me and He can deliver you.
Precious Father – Today I choose to praise you for the hard stuff that draws me to you. I choose to praise you for a temptation that continues to haunt me and keep me humble. Thank you that your grace is sufficient for me. Lord, may your power be made perfect in my weakness. Amen.