When We Lose Our Way

Have you ever set out for a destination and lost your way? Maybe on a trip where your GPS was wrong or in a car where someone refused to ask for directions? Have you ever moved forward with a new relationship, a career change, a geographic move or a college choice and began to doubt it was the right decision part way through?

This has been my experience this year with my ministry, Living the Life Transparent.  I discussed part of this journey in my Nov. 15 blog When God Says Wait. I wanted to continue the discussion in hopes that it would encourage others who may be in a waiting period or wondering if they are on the right path.

In the book Experiencing God, authors Blackaby & King, tell us that God speaks to us “by the Holy Spirit through the Bible, prayer, circumstances, and the church to reveal Himself, His purposes and His ways.” I first did this study in 1996 as part of a young-marrieds group. I am doing it again 20 years later as part of the curriculum for a year-long class I am taking. I didn’t agree with everything I read the first time I did it and I still don’t but there is a lot of excellent material in the book including the above quote.

As I have struggled to find answers I have studied the Bible, prayed privately and asked for corporate prayer. I have looked for God in my circumstances and sought wisdom and insight from the church as a body of believers. At my lowest point, when I was truly questioning everything at the deepest possible level and could no longer find my way, I received an unexpected invitation. It was unsolicited and came completely out of the blue.  And it was - quite simply - a gift from God.

The invitation was an opportunity to present my ministry to a church board. Doing so would involve taking 10 minutes to explain my past, the present, and the future of the ministry that I felt I had been called to by God. For me it involved taking a look back and creating an outline so I could clearly and concisely explain my ministry in the short time allotted. The looking back, the creating of bullet points, the summing up of the last 2 years was powerful beyond words.

Blackaby & King would call it taking a spiritual inventory of your life and identifying spiritual markers. I call it a gift and a blessing straight from God. Taking the emotion and angst out of the equation and focusing on facts showed me clearly, finally, once and for all, that I am right where God wants me to be.

If you find yourself in a waiting period right now or are questioning whether or not you are on the right path you are not alone. To me it feels like wearing an itchy wool sweater, 2 sizes too small, when it is 95 degrees and humid. Know that there is a purpose to the wait and that God can handle our questions. Proverbs 3:5-6 encourages us to, “Trust in the Lord with all our hearts and lean not on our own understanding. In all our ways (we are to) acknowledge Him, and He will make our paths straight.”

Precious Father – Thank you for the journey, for the good parts and for the bad. May we build an ever-deepening relationship with you through the study of your Word and through regular conversation in prayer. Reveal yourself to us Lord through your Holy Spirit. Amen

Give Thanks In All Circumstances

With Thanksgiving week upon us I want to focus on what it means to me to “give thanks in all circumstances.” My life verse is found in 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, “Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.” God brought this verse to my attention at a time when I was really struggling with understanding God’s will for my life.

It is the little word in a verse that so often contains a big part of the meaning. Paul is not saying to be thankful FOR all circumstance but rather to be thankful IN all circumstances.  Like joy, our thankfulness needs to be based on our relationship with Christ rather than the external circumstances of life.

For example:

* I am not thankful that I was addicted to pornography. I am thankful that God has broken the chains of that addiction and that what Satan intended for evil God is using for good.

*A person is not usually thankful for a job loss. But in that circumstance they can be thankful that God continues to provide and meet their needs.

*Someone diagnosed with cancer would not be thankful for the illness. But they can be thankful for accessible health care and the support of family and friends.

Regardless of our circumstance we can gives thanks that God loved us so much that he sent his son to die for us, that nothing can separate from the love of God, and that God gives us the strength we need.

There are no guarantees that life will be easy. In John 16:33 Jesus said, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!” That is the perspective that will help us learn to find a reason to give thanks in every situation.

Colossians 3:17 says, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.”                     

In “whatever I do” for me means:

* Thanking God for the opportunity and ability to walk as I enjoy a crisp morning stroll.

*Thanking God for the talents and ability that allow me to earn a living.

* Thanking God for a car and the skill to drive it as I take our daughter to school.
And the list could go on and on.

What are you thankful for today? And how can you find something to be give thanks for IN all circumstances? Please join me in praying 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18: Precious Father, please help me to be joyful always, pray continually and give thanks in all circumstances. Amen.    

Please Note: My daughter just walked in the door from college for Thanksgiving Break and my parents arrive tomorrow. If they want a place to sleep I need to shovel out my office tonight so we can pull out their bed. If this blog seems familiar it is because I posted it right around this time last year. :) Have a blessed Thanksgiving filled with good food, family & friends!                                                        

When God Says Wait

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you can taste it? So much so that it fills your imagination during the day and your dreams at night? Have you ever been able to see the path that brought you to this place but been unable to see the path that will take you from point A to point B? Have you ever sat at a computer crying because you want so badly to express yourself but the words just . . . won’t . . . come? Have you ever cried out to God – over and over again – and that still, quiet voice simply keeps saying “wait?”

Psalm 130:5 says, “I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.” As I struggle, and resist, and try to speed up the waiting period that God has placed me in I find myself searching for answers in scripture. Perhaps God asks us to wait so we will seek Him more intently. Maybe He wants us to develop a deeper relationship with Him before He lights up the path that will take us from point A to point B.

If you are waiting right now Isaiah 40:31 tells us, “. . . they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint.” Part of waiting on the Lord renews our strength and better equips us for what lies ahead.

Whatever you are waiting for – a new or different job, a spouse with which to share your life, a new home, a child to call your own, a cure from an illness, an answer to a prayer, a fulfillment of your heart’s desire – have courage. Psalm 27:14 says, “Wait for the Lord: be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord.” Allow God to work your circumstances to His glory during this difficult time. Seek God’s counsel and ask Him what he wants you to learn while you are waiting.

Talk to trusted friends who may be able to discern something you are not. In my situation, I really began to question my call to ministry as the speaking opportunities suddenly ceased. It took the wise counsel of my friends and family to help me see that part of this waiting period for me was to shift more time and attention to learning through conferences, other speakers, taking a class and digging deeper into God’s word. Speaking less has allowed me more time to write and develop an online presence. In the wait God has graciously connected me with my tribe – others with a similar call to speak and write. He has given me a thirst for His word and cleared the time in which to meet with Him each day and study scripture.

David wrote in Psalm 40:1 “I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry.” Praying patience for you dear friend as you wait on the Lord. Knowing that He is listening and that He hears your cry. Trusting that God has a reason for asking you to wait. 

As Far as the East is From the West

In my morning Bible study today I came across the following verse from Isaiah 38:17 - “Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.”

To put the verse in historical context, the prophet Isaiah had gone to Judah’s king, Hezekiah, to tell him of his impending death. Hezekiah cried out to God. God heard his prayer and extended his life for 15 additional years. Isaiah chapter 38 is a record of this journey and Hezekiah’s resulting words of praise and thanksgiving.

As a recovering porn addict this verse speaks to me on so many levels. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. Although I was not physically ill in my addiction I was mentally and spiritually ill. Anguish when used as a noun is defined as severe mental or physical pain or suffering. When used as a verb it means to be extremely distressed about something. Part of any addiction is the endless cycle of needing to quit, trying to quit, being unable to quit, and doing what you hate all over again . . . and again . . . and again. Knowing that what you are doing is hurting yourself and your loved ones. Being terrified that someone will find out. Being filled with self-loathing.

In this passage Hezekiah recognizes the good that came from a horrible experience. For me being released from my addiction to pornography opened doors to testify to God’s goodness and his faithfulness. It humbled me and brought to a place where God could use me not only to testify but to educate and empower women in this area. When difficult things happen, when we feel anguish mentally, spiritually or physically we need to pray for God’s help to gain something beneficial from the experience..

In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction. In the context of the passage this part of the verse refers to God literally saving Hezekiah from physical death. For me, God’s love kept me from a pit of destruction where my addiction taken to the extreme could have cost me my marriage, my family and my job. It also could have escalated behaviors that would have eventually affected my physical health.

You have put all my sins behind your back. And this is when I teared up and felt God gently revealing this verse to me. Because although I have confessed, repented (turned away from my sin) and know that I am forgiven I sometimes still feel unworthy and honestly, in my hidden places, unforgiven. Acts 3:19 tells us to, “Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins may be wiped out . . .” Micah 7:19 describes God treading our sins underfoot and hurling all of our iniquities into the sea. Psalm 103:12 says, “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.” Scripture tells us repeatedly in Isaiah 43:25, Jeremiah 31:34, Hebrews 10:17, and Hebrews 8:12 that God will remember our sins no more.

Dear one, who is loved by God. There is no sin he will not forgive and nothing that you can do that can separate you from the love of God. Romans 8:38-39 says, “For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Precious Father - THANK. YOU. Amen! 

How Do You Start & End Each Day?

Think of your life as a beautiful painting that you create a stroke at a time, day by day. Every painting needs a frame. Let’s imagine the frame as the way you start and end your day. Do you hit the ground running in the morning and keep running until you fall into bed at night exhausted? Or do you frame your day as the psalmist did in Psalm 92:2 - “It is good . . . to proclaim your (God’s) unfailing love in the morning, your faithfulness in the evening.”

Lysa TerKeurst, in her new book Uninvited, has a brilliant chapter called “The Enemy’s Plan Against You.” In that chapter she says, “. . . it’s crucial to watch what is influencing me and feeding my thoughts. A good question to ask myself is, where am I paying my attention? Specifically what am I paying attention to first thing in the morning? And what am I paying attention to right before I go to sleep? If I want God to be my focus, I must give Him my first thoughts. And if I want my mind to be at peace when I sleep I must keep my thoughts fixed on His promises at night . . .”

I have shared before that starting each day with God has been a struggle for me. It has taken years but spending my first part of each day in prayer, Bible study and journaling has finally become a daily habit for me (since September 1 – of this year – sheepish face). It is making a difference in my mood and perspective as well as creating a thirst in me for more of God and more of his word.

Scripture encourages us to start the day with God. Jesus, himself, modeled it. Mark 1:35 says, “Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.”

In Psalm 5:3, David, the only man that God calls a man after His own heart, tells us, “In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.” David goes on to say in Psalm 143:8, “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.”

God gives us fresh blessings and mercies each and every day. In God’s economy he never gives us stale blessings. Lamentations 3:22-23 tells us, “The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.”

If you already start your day with God – good for you! If not, what would you need to change to make this happen? My October 4 blog entry, “Start Your Day With God,” describes what that looked like for me.

As for the end of the day I most often spend it watching a 30 minute sitcom on TV or scrolling a favorite website like Etsy trying to relax. I do not know what it would look like to frame my day at each end with time spent with God. But I am willing to try.

Precious Father – Thank for wanting to spend time with us and for creating us for relationship with you. May we, like David, put out trust in you and be reminded every morning of your unfailing love. May we ask the way we should go each morning and may we entrust our lives to you each day. Amen.

Speak with Love, Gentleness & Respect

Speaking the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15) is something that we strive to do as a family. At home, in the workplace and at school. By this we mean sharing Biblical truths in a loving way. Not wielding it as a big stick to beat someone over the head. Not in a judgmental way that points a finger and says, “I am right and you are wrong.” But, hopefully, in a way that shares truth, shows God’s love and points people to Christ and to His Word.

John 1:1 says, “In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” We need to speak the truth in a way that leads people not just to scripture but to the triune God himself. We need to live an active faith that is attractive to the people around us.

Speaking the truth in love is a great concept in theory but can be difficult to do in practice. We have to know God’s Word and know his truth before we can speak it to others. We need to have a personal relationship with Christ and the assistance of the Holy Spirit before scripture even makes sense. 1 Corinthians 2:14 tells us, “The man without the Spirit does not accept the things that come from the Spirit of God, for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them, because they are spiritually discerned.” We need the Holy Spirit to help us discern truth from lies and recognize when we need to speak the truth in love.  John 14:26 goes on to say, “The Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things.”

We need to not only speak the truth in love but do it with gentleness and respect. 1 Peter 3:13–16 says, “Who is going to harm you if you are eager to do good? But even if you should suffer for what is right, you are blessed. Do not fear what they fear; do not be frightened. But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience (emphasis mine), so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.”

The change that we need to see in this country starts with us. In begins with a personal relationship with Christ that results in the desire to speak the truth in love with gentleness and respect.

Precious Father – Thank you that the Word became flesh and dwelt among us in the form of your son Jesus. May we have the courage and discernment to speak the truth in love when needed. And may we do so with gentleness and respect to the people around us. Amen

Turtle Formation!

When you are struggling who stands in the gap to pray for you? Who are the people who can gather and create a turtle formation around you during challenging times? Who gives you the hug that lasts longer than normal that tells you without words that you are not alone? Who puts words to your needs as they pray for you when you do not even know what to pray for yourself? 

God created us for relationship. We need to build an intimacy with other people that creates a safe place where we are able to share the fears and insecurities that we hide from the rest of the world. If you have people and a place such as this in your life – good for you! If not, ask God to show you opportunities to build relationship and community with the people around you. Carve time out of your schedule for quality face-to-face time with friends. Offer to pray for others and asked to be prayed for in turn.

During my recent struggles I began to feel a large and scary pit open in front of me. Whether literal or figurative I feared falling into it and being unable to climb out. In sharing my feelings with a group of women, with whom I do life, they asked if they could pray for me right then and right there.  In doing so one of them prayed that God would fill up the hole so that there would be no place to fall. Which brings me to the turtle formation.

This same group of women and I did Priscilla Shirer’s life-changing study, The Armor of God, together last year. As Paul describes the armor of God he first describes the items we wear - the belt of truth buckled around our waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with our feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. The shield is the only item that requires work from us. We are to take it up. It is not something that we wear passively but something that we are to use aggressively. Ephesians 6:16 says, “In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.”

Paul lived in a world controlled by the Romans. The Roman shield his readers would have pictured was called a scutum. This type of shield was as large as a door and would have covered the front of the warrior. As a group of fighting soldiers they could close ranks into a rectangle shape and position their shields in such a way as to form a complete enclosure around themselves. Those on the outside would create the perimeter walls and those in the middle would raise their shields over their heads to finish the enclosure. This formation was called a testudo which translates from the Latin as “tortoise.”

The shields fit so closely together that there were no gaps in between. This created complete protection for the soldiers inside.  The shields were most often made of wood, covered in animal hide and soaked with water before battle so the enemy’s flaming arrows would be extinguished when they hit the shield.

I no longer fear the hole I sensed before me. Because it is filled with the women who love me holding up their shields, keeping me safe inside the turtle formation and blocking the hole.

Precious Father – May we be strong in you and in your mighty power. May we put on the full armor of God, so that we can take a stand firm against the devil’s schemes. May we actively take up the shield of faith and may we gather with other believers in the turtle formation as needed. Amen.

Go to the Throne, Not the Phone

Joyce Meyer is quoted as saying “go to the throne, not the phone.”  Great advice that I am finding challenging to follow in my current struggles. Calling a friend or family member right now would be so easy and would help me to feel better . . . for a little while.

But I think God wants me to work these issues out in a party of two. Just me and God in a wrestling match where I don’t know the moves and I don’t know what he wants from me. But I am trying SO HARD to figure it out. This involves a lot of prayer, reading (both the Bible and other books), and spending silent time alone (not my favorite thing). Time without the distractions of phone conversations, television, radio or social media.

Proverbs 3:6-7 tells us to “Trust in the Lord with all our heart and lean not on our own understanding. In all our ways we are to acknowledge him and he will make our paths straight.” My paths seem to have no direction right now. Not in the workplace. Not with my ministry and not in my personal life. God feels silent and distant right now as I cry out to him. Although I do feel him whispering to me “wait.” Which is an uncomfortable place to be.

I have said before that I did not want to live under the tyranny of an unexamined life. Examining it is way harder than I thought it would be! So often we are too busy to really think about the choices we are making or the life we are living. Choices made at the speed of life so often determine the life we live. When we should be creating a life lived out of deliberate reflection, prayer and thought.

Lysa TerKeurst in her brilliant book, The Best Yes: Making Wise Decisions in the Midst of Endless Demands, puts it this way – The decisions you make determine the schedule you keep. The schedule you keep determines the life you live. And how you live your life determines how you spend your soul.”

Part of the soul searching I am doing right now involves a more balanced prayer life. Many years ago I learned the acronym ACTS for when we pray:

Adoration – praise God and worship him for who he is and what he does

Confession – admit your mistakes, flaws and sins to God and ask for forgiveness

Thanksgiving – thank God for specific things he has done

Supplication – ask for help for yourself and others

Somewhere along the way it has become a lot more about thanksgiving and supplication and less about adoration & confession for me. 

Jeremiah 29:12-13 says, “Then you will call upon Me and come and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. You will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart.

Precious Father – May we search for you with all our heart. Please help us to create a life lived out of deliberate reflection, prayer and thought. May we come to the throne instead of the phone as our first response to all that happens in our lives. Amen.

Start Your Day with God

Off and on, for years, I asked God to give me an unquenchable thirst for his Word. I kept waiting for that to happen. Hoping it would give me the discipline and desire to start each day by reading my Bible, journaling and spending time in prayer.

As the years went by I would try various ways, books, systems and times of day to make this happen. I would have various stretches (usually around the New Year) where I would do it for a while and then it would fall away. Although I have participated in and lead various Bible Studies for over 25 years, I was so often studying what someone else had gleaned from God’s Word instead of digging into the Bible myself.

For me personally, I finally realized I had to get into God’s Word first before the unquenchable thirst started to develop. Since July God has clearly been telling me from multiple directions that I needed to steep myself in his word every day and start each day with him. On September 1 I finally began the start of each day with God. This time has been sweeter and more challenging than I could have imagined.

To do this it meant:

Going to bed earlier so I could get up earlier which affected my husband and my daughter.

Finding a place in my home that could be set apart as a meeting place with God.

(Someplace with decent light where I could leave my Bible, journal, readers and pen out)

Getting my family on board with a new routine that gave my first 30 minutes of each day to God.

It also meant asking God to forgive me for wasted years when I did not start my day with him. Years when I allowed my busy schedule to keep me from investing time in God’s Word and our relationship.

 A routine was needed:

Praying scripture as I opened my Bible (Ezekiel 36:27, Psalm 25:5, Psalm 119:27).

Precious Father – Thank you for putting your Spirit in me. Move me to follow your decrees and help me to be careful to keep your laws. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long. Cause me to understand the way of your precepts, that I may meditate on your wonderful deeds. Amen.

Reading a chapter from 2 different books of the Bible (A Proverb and a Psalm are a great start). Underlining and writing down verses that stood out.

Reading the study notes and then the chapter again.

Writing down the names of God that I found as I read (refuge, hiding place, our help, our shield)

Having a conversation with God as I brought prayer requests and praises before him.

Praying scripture as I closed my Bible (Hebrews 4:12, 2 Timothy 3:16-17, Psalm 19:14)

Precious Father – You tell us that the Word God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword. Thank you that all scripture is God-breathed. Please use it to teach, rebuke, correct and train me in righteousness so that as your servant I may be thoroughly equipped for every good work. May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer. Amen.

All that we need is contained within the covers of our Bible. Wisdom, direction, relationship, peace and so much more. What can you do to make time each day for God and the study of his Word?  If you already do – good for you! Please comment and share what you do and when you do it to help others. If not – I have struggled in this area myself and understand. I will be praying for you my friend. 

By Wisdom a House is Built

I had the privilege of officiating at a wedding this past weekend. It was an amazing experience filled with love, joy and God’s presence. The core message that I shared was from Proverbs 24:3-4 which says, "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established. Through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." In this passage the Master Architect himself describes a home that will stand the test of time. These verses describe the importance of wisdom, understanding and knowledge in having a successful marriage.

By wisdom a house is built - To build a house that will stand the test of time you need to first create a firm foundation. In this passage the word “built” comes from a Hebrew word that means “to restore.” God used the same word when He took the rib from Adam’s chest and rebuilt it into a woman. He did this because he thought it was not good for man to be alone. In the Biblical sense, wisdom is seeing things from God’s perspective and then acting on it.  Scripture tells us that when we ask God for wisdom he will give it to us. A wise spouse sees their partner through God’s eyes and acts accordingly. Cultivate wisdom as it will help you accept each other’s differences and let the little things go. Things like who takes out the trash, who is right or wrong this time, and how to load the dishwasher the correct way. Let the little things go so you can focus on the big picture of a lifetime as husband and wife.

And through understanding a house is established - Established describes a home that is firm, stable, secure, and upright. Although similar to building, established is the end result of making wise choices. Understanding is applying intelligence, insight and discernment toward your spouse. It is making a daily effort to celebrate your differences but find common ground.

Through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures - Think of knowledge as information that is completed by application. It is being convicted as a couple what your family values are and applying them to your everyday life. Your rooms will be filled because you will partner together each day to create a well-maintained home that is the result of wisdom, understanding, and knowledge. Although a home is furnished with real items like furniture and dishes I want you to think of the “rare and beautiful treasures” in this verse as peace, joy and love. There will be challenges ahead. As crisis overtakes you ask God for his peace that passes all understanding. Seek joy which is found not in your circumstances but on the firm foundation of a life centered on Christ, individually and as a couple. And love - 1 John 4: 7 tells us to love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Keep God as an active partner in your marriage and you will still be happily married 50 years from now.

A Daily Prayer for Our Children

Lord, please grant our daughters wisdom, protection and courage. I pray that no false teachings would take root and that they would speak the truth in love. Amen. These are the words God gave me to pray over our daughters daily as they progress through their school year. One is a sophomore in college and one a senior in high school. How I wish I had been praying this over them from their first day of preschool to their last day of college!

Let’s break this down and take a closer look.

WISDOM – James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. Dr. Charles Stanley in his book, Walking Wisely describes it this way – “wisdom is seeing things from God's perspective -- how does God see this -- and then responding to that according to biblical principles. That is, how am I to respond to this situation from God's view point. That keeps me in the center of God's will, doing what God wants me to do, and enabling me to become the person that God wants me to be.”

PROTECTION – Psalm 46:1 tells us that, “God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.” In a world that feels like it is spinning out of control we need to anchor ourselves and our children to the firm foundation that can only be found in Christ. I don’t see protection as keeping them from every single hurt or slight. Those things can build character. But rather from false teachings that could cause a crisis of faith, from a drunk driver as they return from school, from making a decision that could affect them or someone else in a negative way for the rest of their lives.    

COURAGE – Deuteronomy 31:6 encourages us to, “Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Children at every age are facing pressures we never imagined. Regardless of their age, school or upbringing. It takes courage to make God-honoring choices. It takes courage to be the lone dissenting voice in a discussion. It takes courage to befriend the least popular person in their class. 2 Timothy 1:7 really resonates with me and I often remind our daughters that God did not give us a spirit of timidity but one of power, love, and self-discipline.

FALSE TEACHINGS – Some are subtle and some are obvious but our children are being bombarded with false teachings from every side that do not line up with God’s word and Biblical truth.  All of the parts of this prayer interconnects. They have to first know what God teaches to know when something is false. Our children need to nurture wisdom and discernment. And as the adult in their life we need to know what they are being taught so we can help them see any false teaching that comes their way.

SPEAK THE TRUTH IN LOVE – Ephesians 4:15 says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ.” Again there is a connection with the words and phrases the Holy Spirit impressed upon my heart. By cultivating wisdom we are able to identify false teaching. When we identify false teaching we need to have the courage to speak the truth in love.

Please join me in praying this prayer over a child in your life in whatever age, stage or school they attend. God hears our prayers and they matter. Lord, please grant this child wisdom, protection and courage. We pray that no false teachings would take root and that they would speak the truth in love. Amen.

Unclench, Let Go & Let God

Our oldest daughter is a sophomore in college 2 states away, struggling physically right now with what was an undiagnosed illness. It made me realize how tightly I am holding in her in my clenched fist (metaphorically speaking, of course). It has also caused me to ask - as a parent, what does it look like to unclench my fist and give my child over into God’s loving hands?

Think of these 5 reminders as your five fingers slowly uncurling from your tightly closed fist as you open up your hand and truly trust God to take care of your loved one. Not just a child but a spouse, friend, relative – anyone you love and are holding tightly.

THUMB - God knew this person before they were born. Psalm 139:13 says, “You formed my inward parts; You wove me together in my mother’s womb.” He knew them before we did and He will spend eternity with them after they die. John 3:15 tells us that everyone who believes in him will have eternal life.

INDEX FINGER - God knows them more intimately than we do. Matthew 10:30 tells us he has numbered every hair on their head. Isaiah 49:12 tells us that He has inscribed them in the palm of his hand.

MIDDLE FINGER - God knows the pain of a parent. He sacrificed his only son for you, for me, and for our loved ones. John 3:16 tells us that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son.

RING FINGER - God has plans for our loved one. Jeremiah 29:11 says, “For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

PINKY – Nothing escapes God’s notice. Hebrews 4:13 says, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God's sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account." Proverbs 5:21 tells us the ways of man are before the eyes of the Lord, and He watches all his paths. And Proverbs 15:3 confirms that the eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good."

By the time our daughter got to Student Health, saw a nurse, and went back to see a doctor my imagination had run wild. I had already imagined her dropping out of school and coming home for major surgery and a long recovery. When in reality her symptoms are probably caused by sudden allergies. So two parting thoughts from my recent experience. We need to demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, as we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:5). The King James version of this verse says we need to "cast down imaginations." Certainly fitting in my case. And finally, we need to let the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, guard our hearts and our minds in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:7). 

Precious Father – Forgive us when we struggle to open our fist and entrust our loved one to you. Help us to remember that you knew them before they were born, that you know them more intimately than we do and that you know the pain of a parent. Thank you that you have plans for our loved one and that nothing escapes your notice. Amen.

My Faith Story

This was my first blog entry on September 1, 2015. I will be posting my faith story annually as a reminder of where I have come from, who I am today and where I am going. Thank you for supporting my ministry and this blog over the last year.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation that you never, in your wildest dreams or nightmares, could have imagined? That is where I find myself today as I stand in front of you. Giving my faith story – yes – that I could imagine. I have shared my faith in many ways and many times over the years. But being a recovered porn addict – sharing that with a room full of people, including my husband and 2 teenage daughters – not even in the realm of possibility.

I was raised in a Christian home and came to Christ as a child. I was baptized in 1976 on Easter Sunday in a small Baptist church in a small Iowa town. I attended church camps, national youth conferences, Bible Studies and retreats growing up. As an adult I have lead Bible Studies for the last 15 years and spoken at conferences, women’s retreats and area churches for almost as long.

Everything looked good on the surface but underneath I was struggling with an addiction to pornography that was slowly damaging my self-esteem, my self-worth, my relationship with Christ and my relationship with my husband. The stress between how I was perceived on the outside and who I really was on the inside was exhausting. I had built a wall between myself and God as well as anyone who could have helped me with my addiction.

In the interest of time I am going to speak in sweeping generalities. For men pornography tends to be visual, for women there needs to be an emotional connection. I have been a reader all my life. And the reading material I chose to read on the privacy of my e-reader led me down a rabbit hole that I could not control and could not find a way to stop for several years.

In October of 2013 God broke me free from my addiction in a radical way. Overwhelmed by the depravity of the explicit material I was reading I landed face down on the floor wrestling with God and with my addiction. By the grace of God I arose freed from my addiction and forgiven of my sin. Thank you Jesus! End of story or so I thought.

God wasn’t done with me or with the fact that I am a recovered porn addict. Recovery and reconciliation is a process. First I needed to ask my husband for forgiveness. Although I had not cheated on him physically I had cheated on him hundreds of times in my mind with the material I was consuming. Next up, I had to confess to our two teenage daughters. They had been raised with the standard of reading, watching and listening to material that Jesus could sit down and read, watch and listen to with them. Needless to say, their mama had not been walking that walk herself.

For God to be glorified I needed to testify to the work that God had been doing in my life. Romans 8:28 says, “And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” It quickly became apparent that God’s purpose in all of this was for me to share my story, do my research and open a dialogue about what Biblical sexuality looks like for women today.

Over the last year God has clearly opened doors that have led me to ministry I never would have expected and certainly would not have picked. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 says “Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.”

So at over a dozen churches and retreat centers I have shared the comfort, the forgiveness and the hope of Christ by teaching workshops on 50 Shades of White: Biblical Sexuality for Women.  And what God has clearly shown me is that sexual sins of all size and shape are holding people captive. But if you look ahead and read the end of the book - Jesus wins.

In the meantime grab hold of his promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13 where it says, “No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.”

What Two Words Accurately Describe You Today?

I am short and fat. I cannot tell you how long I debated writing that sentence. If I did not think that statement would help other women who struggle with their weight I never would have written it. I have always been taught and believe that people see you as you see yourself. That words are powerful and you need to guard them so they do not cause harm to you or to others. And honestly, I really don’t want you to see me as short and fat. But when you look at me now that is what you will see because I just put that description of myself in your head.

I would really prefer that you buy into the lie I have been telling myself for years that I am curvy and petite instead. Nice words – words that don’t offend – but words that mask the real issue at hand. Issues for me personally that include gluttony. Disobedience. Turning to food when I should be turning to God. Not taking care of the body God has given me. Living a sedentary lifestyle.

This is not about a number on a scale for me or the size of my clothing tags. This is about getting healthy. Confessing the sin of gluttony and asking for forgiveness. Being obedient to God’s command that I take care of His temple. Not giving into the temptation to eat every piece of candy on the table in front of me during a 2 hour meeting last night. At 48 this is about mid-life maintenance. The need to live the next 50 years healthier than I did the last 15.

I was faced with the reality of my actual shape and size recently while staying in a hotel. With a full-length mirror. That showed my entire body. Both sitting and standing. I have to admit it was a bit of shock. I have spent most of the last 15 years editing the parts of my body that are fat from photos and mirrors. Most of the mirrors in my house only show me from the shoulders up.

I applaud any woman who is friends with her body and does not struggle with body image issues. Whatever shape or size you are if this is you – good for you! I do not in any way mean to say that fat is bad and thin is good. I am just trying to be transparent in sharing my own journey. For me, the shape of my body is indicative of the larger issues outlined above.

So let me share a couple of thoughts from scripture that offer hope if this is an area of struggle for you:

We can resist temptation: 1 Corinthians 10:13 reminds us that God is faithful and He will not let us be tempted beyond what we can bear. We just have to do our part. Last night that meant pushing the candy clear across the table so that I would have to physically get up in front of a room full of people to get a piece. It also meant asking a friend at the table to hold me accountable.

We need to put God first: Exodus 20:3 says that we are to have no other gods. If I turn to food when I should be turning to God then I am making a god (little “g”) out of food. We need to bring God into our struggles with food. To be in active prayer and conversation with Him. To ask for forgiveness if we are guilty of the sin of gluttony, disobedience etc.

When you think of me in the future I do not want you to think of me as short and fat. I want you to think of me as healthy and active. What 2 words accurately describe you today and what do you want those 2 words to be a year from now? With God’s help I believe we can do this!

Precious Father – Thank you for the body you have given me. Forgive me for not taking care of it as I should. Lord please help me to stay the course to healthy. Amen

An Open Letter to My College Sophomore

Oh my sweet daughter. I love you and I miss you. And yes, my arms ache to just hug you and breathe in your sweet scent.  As we drove the 406 miles home last night, I literally felt the umbilical cord stretching thinner and thinner with each mile. This is all good and right and as it should be. You are exactly where God has called you to be and there is peace for your mama in that knowledge.

I asked your permission to write of this experience and my feelings. Knowing I would awake the morning after we dropped you at college. That I would feel called to the patio table – my meeting place with God. In my pajamas and bare feet. In the early morning hours when I can process my thoughts, feelings and the words God has placed on my heart more clearly. You already know and have already put into place much of what I what I am about to write. But a mama feels better for having said it again anyway.

Put God first in everything that you do. Seek His direction and ask for His wisdom as you consider where and how to spend your time this fall. James 1:5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” Attend an off-campus church. Participate in a small group Bible study. Spend time in God’s word each day.

Tend to your whole person. Mental, physical, and spiritual. Be present in the classroom and disciplined in your studies. Ask questions and invite a professor to lunch. Invite more than one professor to lunch. Strive to know a variety of people in each class and not just the person you sat next to the first day or the one you already knew. Swim as often as you can. Go for walks. Take the stairs. Make good food choices. So many of these things you did last year. I am so proud of you for tending to the whole person your freshman year.

Take the long way around. Use the stairs at the other end of your long dorm hall. This will force you to walk the length of your floor meeting other women along the way. Poke your head into an open door and introduce yourself. Participate in floor activities and reach out to the women next door. Be deliberate in scheduling time to spend with your roommate. Communicate with your roommate early and often so that your dorm room becomes your comfortable home-away-from-home and not an uncomfortable place you avoid.

Work hard and play hard. Schedule your time and make your to-do list. Do the thing you least want to do first. Find a place to study with the least distractions and the most comfortable chair. Take advantage of all that the large city near you has to offer – museums, festivals, theater. Participate in the clubs and activities on campus that make you smile and laugh out loud. Try something new. Build on existing friendships and seek new ones.

And never forget. That you are truly and dearly loved. That you are prayed for by so many people who care about you and are invested in you and in your life. That you will always have a home waiting for you with a mom and a dad and a younger sister who are your biggest cheerleaders and staunchest supporters. Here is to an amazing sophomore year my precious daughter.

Love - Mom

Two Are Better Than One

As your read this I will be unplugged with my best friend on our 20th annual girlfriend getaway. We met in the summer of 1990 at an apartment complex in Los Angeles. We were fresh from college – she from the University of Wisconsin at Madison, me from the University of Iowa. We were stretching our wings. Far from family, friends and all that was familiar. Neither one of us knew anyone in Whittier, the Los Angeles suburb where we landed.

Enter God’s gracious hand in the form of an elderly couple from Kansas who were managing our apartment complex. Our first Sunday they knocked on our doors, invited us to their church and loaded us into their car. Suddenly what had been scary became an adventure as two Midwest girls learned to navigate L.A. together. In the process we became best friends. A friendship that has lasted 26 years and counting.

In the summer of 1995 we both had opportunities to move back to the Midwest and jumped at the opportunity. She to Wisconsin and me to Minnesota. We found the 6 hour drive between our 2 homes challenging. This was before social media or texting so we spent a lot of time on the phone, sent packages back and forth and worked hard to see each other every couple of months.  We pulled out a map the following summer and found a quaint river town in Illinois were we could meet part way for a long weekend without the distractions of our jobs, my husband and eventually my daughters who adored their honorary aunt.

Last summer my best friend married for the first time at 48. I was thrilled for her and really liked the man God had brought into her life. They fit like two pieces of a puzzle. But honestly, I felt a little insecure about our annual girl’s getaway weekend. I should have known better. She was there a month after her wedding meeting me again for this important weekend where we connect at a deeper level than our frequent texts, Facebook posts and phone calls. And the new husband? He gets us – thank God – and supports our getaway fully.

Carving this time out is not always easy. We book it months in advance after we get our two calendars together (a major accomplishment all by itself). I have left infants at home and pumped breast milk while I was away. There have been times when one or the other of us could not afford it and the other one paid. There was one particularly difficult weekend when I was buried with toddlers and a new business. My best friend was a single career woman at the time and we didn’t seem to have much in common anymore. But 3 days away, just the 2 of us, allowed us to work through that and come out stronger on the other side.

God created us for relationship. Not just with Him but with each other. In the chaos of your everyday life and busy schedule one of the best investments of time you can make is in building friendships with the women around you. After 26 years my best friend and I have developed a short hand in our conversations. We can tell by the tone of our voices over the phone when one of us is happy or sad, scared or excited.

Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 tells us that two are better than one because if one falls down the other can help them up. If you have a friend like this in your life today thank God for them. If you don’t, ask God to bring that person into your life.

Precious Father – Thank you for the gift of friendship. Help us to be the friend to others that we hope to find ourselves. May we make building friendships an everyday priority Lord. Amen.

The Myth of Having It All

Oprah Winfrey once said, “You can have it all. You just can’t have it all at once.” As a child of the 80s and a woman who holds a degree in journalism and women’s studies this quote resonates with me. I was taught (and I believed with all my heart) that I had no limits, could be anything I wanted to be and that I could definitely have it all. At 48, I recognize this idea for what it truly is – a myth.

It is not possible to be a perfect wife and mother, have the perfect home and children and be the best in your career all at the same time. At different points you may be one or more of these. But there is not enough of you and there are not enough hours in the day to be all of these at the same time.

As a child of the 80s “having it all” meant a handsome husband, beautiful children, gorgeous home and successful career. Today it means a thriving personal relationship with Christ, a deep and abiding marriage with my husband and raising daughters who strive to love and serve God. The ministry God has called me to and the career where I earn income falls behind my relationship with my God, my husband and my children.

I just returned from the national convention of the direct sales company where I work. Lots of lights and sound and noise designed to motivate to me to grow my business. I found myself conflicted throughout the 3 day event. God is so clearly calling me into ministry but I do not feel He has called me out of my current career. Which leaves me in an uncomfortable place.

I am somewhat of an all or nothing personality. When I do something I want to give it my very best. When I am spread too thin and am unable to do that it frustrates me. I often find myself emotionally splintered between the many things tugging on my life. What I need to remember is that there will be various seasons in my life. Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us, “For everything there is a season, a time for every activity under heaven.”

My season right now is one of spending time with our remaining daughter before she, too, moves away to college. It is a season of reconnecting with my husband as we realize the empty nest is just around the corner.  It is a season of seeking God as I build a platform for the ministry He has given me and continue my career.

You may be reading this as someone who is single, divorced, or widowed. You may be a stay-at-home mom, a student, or the president of a company. You may be balancing things beautifully or you may be hanging on by your last toenail upside down. Wherever you find yourself today please know that God sees you and that you matter. I really do believe you can have it all. Just not all at once. Seek God and ask what his plans are for your current age and stage of life.

Precious Father – Thank you for seeing us. When we feel unnoticed and unappreciated please help us to remember we matter so much to you that you sacrificed your son on our behalf. Lord, may we seek you earnestly in the paths we follow and the choices we make at every age and at every stage. Amen. 

Building Relationship With God

I don’t know where your relationship is with God as you read this. Personally, I was raised in a Christian home and came to Christ as a child. I had the privilege of attending church camps, national youth conferences, Bible studies and retreats growing up. I have spent the last 40 years striving to live out my salvation, ground myself in God’s word and deepen my relationship with Christ. And honestly, I have failed miserably more often than not.

I believe that the Bible is true; the inspired word of God. 2 Timothy 3:16-17 says, “All scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness so that man may be equipped.” Hebrews 4:12 goes on to say, “For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow, it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”

The Bible tells us that God created us for relationship with him. “We love Him because He first loved us,” explains the apostle John in 1 John 4:19. He also created us with a God-sized hole inside that only he can fill. This is a hole that cannot be filled by a career, or a husband, or children. It cannot be filled by anything that money can buy or an achievement you can earn.  It can only be filled by entering into a personal relationship with Christ.

To build human relationships requires time and effort. Not just time liking a friend’s Facebook post or sending them a text but face-to-face time where trust and intimacy can grow. Building a relationship with Christ also takes time and effort. Not from his end – he has been waiting since the dawn of time to be in relationship with you – but from our end.

We need to carve time out daily to build our relationship with Christ. Start with the amazing biography/autobiography that he left us in the form of the Bible. Sit at the feet of trusted Bible teachers who can help you better understand the content between the covers. Join a small group Bible study where you have the accountability and opportunity to dig into God’s word together.

Commit to memorizing scripture. We need to get to the point where it is our automatic default in times of trouble and in times of celebration. Consider picking one verse a week that you want to commit to memory. I find putting the verse in a place where I can read it several times a day helps. A notecard on the bathroom mirror, a post-it on your computer screen or a pop up on your phone are all helpful.

And last but not least we need to be in conversation with God throughout our day. 1 Thessalonians 5:17 tells us to pray continually. Think of prayer as a constant discussion with your Creator. A healthy relationship has regular communication. Without it the relationship would wither and die.

What things do you need to add or change to create a stronger relationship with God? Please comment and share what works for you as a way of encouraging others – a favorite book or devotional, a time of day, a specific place, a practice that regularly connects you with God.

Owning the Tough Stuff Out Loud

“Hi. I am Robin from Minnesota. I am a recovering porn addict whose most popular speaking topic is 50 Shades of White: Biblical Sexuality for Women.” Hard to write and even harder to say to a stranger I sat next to at a conference. But we only had a very short time to connect before the speaker started. So you boil it down to a few sentences and hope for the best.

I would like to say that I said that every time I met someone new which I would guess was over 200 times during the three day conference. But I didn’t. Because saying I am a speaker and writer who has a passion to connect women to God and to each other (which I do) was safer and easier. It did not make me vulnerable or leave me open to judgment or give someone an opportunity for gossip.

It also did not give the person I was talking to an opportunity to connect with me on a deeper level or share who they really are underneath. Generally, when I have the courage to “go there” people join me by choosing to be more open about their own stuff. Which in turn opens the door to a deeper and more honest connection.

I could have been at my 30–year class reunion last weekend. Not the opening line I would have chosen. Obviously, there is a time and a place to own my past out loud in hopes that God will use it to move someone else forward. Instead I was at a Christian conference with women who have a unique story they are called by God to speak or write. 

Being real and honest and transparent is hard. Even now I want to go back and delete the first couple sentences of this blog and bury them 3 paragraphs down. Because I know that Facebook will grab the first couple lines of this blog to put into my feed.

So many women at this conference chose to be honest in their own introductions and table-side conversations. It was awe-inspiring to witness. Each conversation drew me back to a God who wants us to comfort others in the way we have been comforted ourselves. (2 Corinthians 1:4)

I was reminded at this conference that when we operate in our comfort zone we generally do so by our own power as we show people what we can do. When we operate outside our comfort zone we plug into God’s power and people see what God can do.

I had spoken for many years on a variety of topics – running a successful business, organizing your home, the gift of hospitality, a favorite Bible verse. All useful stuff but definitely within my comfort zone. It wasn’t until God called me to speak publicly about my porn addiction and Biblical sexuality for women that I truly understood what it meant to operate in God’s power and not my own.  His grace really is sufficient and his power is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

I do not know what hard and hurtful things have happened to you in the past, are happening to you right now or will happen to you in the future. (Personally message me and it would be my honor to pray for you). Jesus tells us in John 16:33 that in this world we will have trouble. But he goes on to encourage us to take heart because he has overcome the world.

How can you use your personal experiences to come along someone else who is struggling in a similar area? How can you let God’s light shine through the dark places? And how can you testify to what God has done in your life?

Precious Father – Thank you that your power is made perfect in our weakness. Please give us the courage to be bold about the hard parts of our past, present and future so that we may comfort others in the way we have been comforted ourselves. Amen.

Commit to the Lord Whatever You Do

I leave tomorrow for the speaking and writing conference in North Carolina that I have blogged about before (May 31). My one page, book proposal and sample chapter of my book are written. I have practiced my 5 minute talk on 1 Corinthians 10:13 and temptation. I have worked with my physical therapist on how to use a cane instead of crutches as I move through 2 airports and the rental care place by myself. And I have planned my outfits (very important – good impression and all that).

None of this, of course, really matters if I make this about me and not about God. I need to invite him into every aspect of this conference – the people I meet, workshops I attend, publishers who read my proposal, the talk I give. God has paved the way. He brought the conference to my attention, made a spot for me in an event that sells out very quickly, sidelined me with knee surgery which gave me the time to write. He even supplied an amazing prayer partner for me. She is another attendee from Missouri who has encouraged me, prayed with me, and held me accountable for the last several weeks.

I do not believe in coincidence. I believe in a God who is active and at work all around me. A God who has numbered the hairs on my head and etched me in the palm of his hand. We have to choose to seek him and ask him to reveal himself to us. Psalm 25:4-5 says, “Show me your ways, Lord, teach me your paths. Guide me in your truth and teach me, for you are God my Savior, and my hope is in you all day long.”

In what areas of your life are you looking for answers? A new job, a difficult or absent relationship, your living arrangement, a medical diagnosis, deciding on a college choice? As you go through your day look for God at work in your life. Ask him to reveal himself to you. Seek earnestly his plans and his will for your life. James 1: 5 says, “If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.”

He cares and created you for relationship with him. Try setting coincidence aside and seeing it instead as God gently directing your path. Proverbs 16:3 says, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans.” Colossians 3:17 goes on to say, “And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to the Father through him.”

Precious Father – Thank you for loving us and for sending your Son to die for us. Grant us wisdom, Lord, and direct our paths. Please reveal yourself to us and help us to see how you are at work in our lives and in the lives of the people around us. May we keep our eyes on you and not be distracted by the things of this world. Amen.